I don’t care if you believe or not - 
That heaven is cool and hell is hot.
Heaven is the place where the bliss never ends
The other place is full of your friends.

chorus:
    BURN IN HELL, BURN IN HELL,
    God’ll make sure you don’t feel so well

Burn your nose with a sulphury smell
While you’re burnin in hell.

I don’t drink and I don’t smoke
I don’t laugh at no jesus joke
But if you roll joints thinkin’ you’ll get high
Brother, you’re gonna fry.

{chorus}
Let you sit next to Jerry Falwell
While you’re burnin’ in hell.

I don’t swear and I don’t sin.
If  you don’t believe me, then I’ll tell you again.
I love my neighbor, believe it or not
And I never get caught.

{chorus}
Have lotsa women like Oberon Zell, 
And you’re already in hell.

Gotta be holy and you gotta be pure.
Don’t ask me what that means ‘cause I ain’t quite sure
I think it might have something to do
With who you’re tryin’ to screw.

{chorus}
Maybe you can join the P.T.L.
While you’re burnin’ in hell.

Gotta be clean and you gotta be straight 
If you wanna pass that pearly gate
Gotta live your life just like a saint
In other words, be what you ain’t!

{chorus}
Freddy Phelps says “Don’t ask and don’t tell!” 
That’s why he’s burnin’ in hell.

{chorus}
You can come and hang with Joe, Joe, and Bel
while you're burnin' in hell
  

I.

Let’s see - Jerry Falwell, Fred Phelps, Oberon Zell, the P.T.L. Club - did I leave anybody out? (Trickster says: "uh, Happy Shel?") So many things rhyme with hell. What a language.

II.

This song just happened one Sunday morning in Trickster’s living room. He challenged me to write a happy song about burning in hell. The calypso beat was a natural. I just included the verses that survived. There were dozens of them, punctuated by stupid Jesus jokes. Joe and Bel wrote their own verses, so I credited the band with the write.

This is one that Loke E. Coyote plans to do in their set, so remember you heard it here first.