Why teX-Day?

All SubGenii know the PROPHECY which tells us that the guys from Planet X will arrive on Earth on July 5, 1998. The Slack Fist of Retrieval will come for all dues paying SubGeniuses, convert us to Overmen and Uberwomen, and take us on the galactic pleasure ships for an eternity of bliss and sex. Then the Stark Fist of Removal will destroy the Earth and all the Con dupes, glorps and pink boys who get left behind.

Well, 7/5/1998 came and went, but X-Day didn't happen. Well, alright, X-Day happened, thousands of SubGeniuses were ready and waiting, but the saucers didn't show up. There are many possible explanations. Some say that the Prophecy is right, but 1998 hasn't come yet because the Con has been screwing with our calendars for thousands of years. Others believe that the Prophecy was distorted by having the year upside down - that X-Day will happen in 8661 instead of 1998. It's possible, even likely we have NO IDEA what year it actually is. But we DO KNOW that X-Day will be on 7/5... Or DO WE?

Perhaps X-Day isn't on 7/5, but rather on 5/7. Hell, dates are written differently all over the world. Maybe it's a CULTURAL MISTRANSLATION and the saucers are really coming on May 7th. After all, Bob spelled backwards is still boB, but 7/5 backwards is 5/7!

WHAT IF X-Day is really going to happen in May?
Can YOU afford to be LEFT BEHIND?
Will YOU be caught with your PANTS DOWN?

How will you feel, as a dues paying SubGenius, when the Xists arrive TWO MONTHS EARLY and you are hopelessly chasing the departing saucers with your pants around your ankles and a piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe? Sure, you'll get TRIPLE YOUR MONEY BACK, but what comfort will that be when you are forced to spend your remaining few hours of life SURROUNDED BY PINKS? You will probably be grateful when the Stark Fist of Removal destroys the Earth and puts an end to their WAILING and GNASHING OF TEETH.

FEAR NOT! For the Church of the SubGenius likes to hedge its bets, and so, with the help of Loke E. Coyote's Wiccabilly Circus, we are staging the Third Annual teX-Day Survival Drill and Devival. Sure we'll still gather in Brushwood in July, ASSUMING WE'RE STILL HERE, but smart money says we should all get our asses to Texas in May, JUST IN CASE.